Dear Annie: New Stepmom is an Ice Queen, and It’s Exhausting Pretending to Get Along
Reader’s letter: "Dad says I’m reading too much into things." My dad remarried three years ago, and I have tried to get along with his wife, Carla, but it has been difficult from the beginning. At family events, she talks to everyone except me unless I start the conversation. She often forgets things I've shared—my job, my boyfriend's name—and frequently leaves me out of group texts or plans unless my dad adds me in.
I mentioned this to my dad, but he says I’m overthinking it and that “Carla’s just not a warm person.” That may be true, but I feel like she barely tolerates me. It’s tiring to pretend everything is fine when I feel like an outsider in my own family. I don’t expect a close relationship with her, just basic respect and for my dad to be happy. Should I talk to her directly or just leave it alone?
Response from Annie:
Since your dad hasn’t been much help, go directly to Carla. Tell her that you care about having a good relationship but feel she doesn’t seem to feel the same—be honest without accusing her. If she seems surprised, she might not realize how she appears. If she dismisses it, it is reasonable to step back and limit your interactions with her.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book.
Visit Creators Publishing for more information.
Summary: A daughter struggles with her stepmother’s cold behavior and seeks advice on addressing the tension in their relationship while hoping for respect and family harmony.